I Don't Think The Crazy's Gone

So, last night was a complete failure when it came to going to sleep at a proper time. I haven't really made much progress on any of the other goals I have yet.

I had a bit of a realization yesterday evening. My father doesn't think that I can succeed in anything other than standard 9-5 (or 9-3) sort of work. I was telling him yesterday about my plans for the next few months and he interrupted me and asked why I don't just get some job teaching something. He's also the man who used to love the quote "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach." Thanks dad, it's good to know that you believe in me. I'm not sure if I care or not, I've always suspected that he felt this way about all of his daughters and since he's never achieved anything remotely important in his life and yet still feels self important. He is a narcissistic alcoholic with no life outside of work and that bottle of whiskey.

I don't honestly know whether this is discouraging or whether it makes me more determined. I hope for the later but I feel more of the former. I'm going through a time of emotions tiredness. I'm not depressed, I'm just tired. I'm trying to figure out how to go about making my life not suck. (Not that it does currently suck) I wish that I had something that I could fall back on, some security, but I have none and I need to learn to create my own security in some ways. Some security just has to come from faith.