I Don't Think The Crazy's Gone

1. Debt Control
   
   1. Get credit status and stay on top of it – I don't even know where I am at the moment
      
   2. Pay off all credit card leftovers – This shouldn't be too bad
      
   3. Pay off the misc debt – Who knows what the heck random things I screwed up
      
   4. Take a chunk out of medical bills – I just finally got the insurance forms filled out for this whole issue, so that is progress
      
2. Weight
   
   1. 100 lbs (Real Goal) or 50 lbs (Backup because of my poor track record)
      
3. Health (Not Weight Related)
   
   1. Get sleep under control – Insomnia is my superpower
      
4. Living Situation
   
   1. Move somewhere I like better – I am looking online at different places, but I haven't done any of the real work yet
      
5. Make mini monthly and weekly goals
   
   1. I need to do this because it will help me to achieve the other goals
      
6. School
   
   1. Start again – Just work for credits and GPA
      
7. Music
   
   1. Start again – Work with a voice teacher again (Training is essential)
      
   2. Start working on Music Theory
      
   3. Piano Proficiency
      
8. Vanity
   
   1. Whiten Teeth – Not that there's anything against the neon yellow I currently sport
      
   2. Maintain nice eyebrows – I'm tired of looking like a yeti (Are they even hairy?)
      
9. Travel
   
   1. Leave the country – Go somewhere… anywhere…
      
   2. Get a Passport again
      
10. Job
    
    1. Approach K********* about managing a campaign – Mo money = better
       
    2. Possibly get a second gig… maybe, depending on how the campaigns go
       

I have been trying to figure out more ways to do my eye makeup because I generally do the same thing every day and it gets a little boring. I just bought this palette http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P242808&categoryId=C12001 and I love it. It is very well pigmented and blends very nicely. The brushes are high quality and are quite soft. I don't tend to use the eyeliner because it doesn't seem to give as much color as the shadows do, so instead I just use a liner brush with the darker colors for a nice effect. Because the colors are all quite shimmery you do get a good deal of fall out and dust on your undereyes, but I found that a once over with my tinted moisturizer after doing my eyes cleaned it up nicely. It has great staying power. It lasts all day and looks fresh. It didn't crease once since I've used it. That is an achievement.

But I'm not.

Today has been one of those brooding days. I spent nearly the whole of it wondering what I really want in life, what I really believe, and what I should do about it all. This, of course, means that anything that should be done about it doesn't actually get done because of the brooding.

I always seem to have two people fighting within me, dueling over each and every issue in life. On one side is the devout Christian who was ready to give up everything, move to the jungle and become a missionary, one the other side is a champagne drinking, diamond wearing gold digger who is ready to put on her new stilettos and head to the opera... or rather star in the opera... (Since they are internal waring figments of my imagination I figure that I get a little lisence for embellishments on my talents.)

There, though, lies a common problem with me. Either way, my ambitions exceed my talents (or at least my discipline).

I suppose if I am honest, if I felt no obligation to any outside forces, I would be an opera singer. It's only the sometimes faith and feeling that I should be serving rather than singing that keeps me from doing so... that and discipline as previously mentioned.

I have the strangest feeling that nobody will ever read this post and that this Blog will be completely deserted by March. In a nutshell, it will go the way of every other journal, blog, diary, and general long term project that I have ever had. What makes me think that this will turn out differently? Nothing. It probably won't, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't try anyway.

I don't even have a particular topic about which I want to Blog at the moment... no, I'm lying. The problem is that I have too many topics about which to Blog and I can't decide on one. I have new ideas all the time for things about which I could write, but I generally don't.

Here is a general list:
1) Life as a fatty, or as I just learned the new term tonight... BBW (snicker...)
2) New Makeup that I am trying - I love to experiment with new brands and looks despite the fact that I generally go without much of any makeup.
3) Makeup and Brand critiques
4)Faith... or lack there of
5) Plain old thoughts and feelings
6) What I am reading right now - There are many literary Blogs that I greatly admire, none of which do I probably have the intellectual power to equal
7) Crochet Projects - I officially just lost all of any perceived coolness
8) Fashion and stuff like that

That wasn't a very good list, but it will have to do.