I Don't Think The Crazy's Gone

I'm sure that some will understand and others will think that I am a bitch. I feel a little of both. I've been frustrated with my family and it's gotten worse in the last little while. I know that we're all a little screwed up and I've had my momemts too but I'm wondering if my burnout with them is becoming unhealthy apathy. I just watched my fall down drunk dad... well... fall down drunk. I watched. He struggled to get up and I watched. He fell again and I watched. He laid on the floor and I watched. He pulled himself up on the couch painfully slow and I watched. I didn't want to help him, I'd done it enough times.  He got himself to his room and is in bed now but I'm still feeling guilty.

A few days ago I called one of my sisters a perpetual mess. She is a perpetual mess but I know I shouldn't have said that. Some of it is her fault but some isn't. No one realized for a long time that she had bi-polar disorder. Things have gotten so much better since then but it feels like we are still always picking up the pieces.

Another sister who is my "Responsible Sister" is also having problems. I've never really minded helping her because she's helped me but by the end of this time, it made me a little angry. First it was needing $400, that's fine, I can help. Then it was another $300, still fine, I know you're trasitioning. Then another $300, okay, lets get through this. $140 so she can register for a test for a certification so she can get a really good job, alright, study hard. She needs $300 more because she didn't pay attention to her spending and overdrafted her account several times over. Now I'm a little mad.

My mother's husband keeps taking my car without asking. Now, I have let them use it a few times and I work and park right down the street from their apartment. I've had them keep a key just in case of emergency but I think that's not such a good idea anymore. I don't live with them, they do not pay for my insurance or gas, they did not buy the car for me.

So there it all is. Am I a bitch or just burnt out?